


Fresh Start

by Rakath



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi: Next Class
Genre: Alternate Next Class 3, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-06-29 22:06:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15738255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakath/pseuds/Rakath
Summary: An alternative version of Next Class 3 where Tristan wasn't in a coma and people actually suffer the aftermath of the crash. Most of the focus is on Maya and Zoe, but won't be only about them.Updates will be in chapter counts of 5, so don't expect them more than once every few months.





	1. Musician & Actress

Maya’s hand self-consciously went to her hair, standing outside the school. It was weird, her hair was too short, brushing at her ear. She still wasn’t used to the new look. She glanced over to the girl standing next to her at the doorway to the Degrassi Community School. Then Maya reached over, and gave her hand a squeeze. “You ready?”

***

Maya’s eyes fluttered open slowly, scanning her surroundings. She remembered talking to Zig, Grace, and Tiny outside of the school. Why was she in a hospital, and why did she feel like her body had just hosted Woodstock? And why were Miles and Zoe here, Zoe was asleep, head in Miles’s lap. Maya made some sort of noise, because Miles looked over, quickly waking the sleeping has-been. “Maya, you okay!?”

Miles said it first, Zoe said it a few seconds later when she had come to terms with her surroundings, the pair rushing the bed and manhandling Maya’s face and hands as they did. What was going on, was this some weird hazing thing? “What happened?”

“The doctors said there might be some memory loss, there was a bus crash.” Miles leaned his forehead to Maya’s, “Once everyone else was okay, it was just you left in the woods.”

“Everyone else?” There was a bus crash? Why weren’t these two waiting on them? Where was mom? Or Grace. Wouldn’t they be the ones in here? These thoughts were cut short as Zoe slapped Miles in the arm.

“That feels uncalled for.”

“Go call Maya’s house!”

“Oh, right,” Miles slipped his phone from his pocket as he headed out of the room, to where phones could be used.

“Grace was released first, but she’s on bed rest at home. Tristan has a broken leg and has been  _ insufferable _ about the tragedy. Zig and Tiny had some head trauma and minor wounds, but some grade ten girls have been keeping them company. Which meant they trusted me and Miles to stay here with you, since your mom had to work.” Maya was still not sure why Zoe was so handsy, but she was also still working through all the information. “What do you remember?”

“There was a bus crash?”

“Oh, Maya…”

The next few months were… something. With most of Maya’s friends as out of commission as she was, she was left in the capable hands of Katie and Zoe for the summer as she underwent physical therapy. Even once Zig and Tiny were discharged, and Tristan was able to get around on his crutches, Maya still preferred the routine with Zoe over anything else.

Zoe kept her up to date on the affairs of school. Goldi apparently organized a coup and took over Student Council. Tristan was in no position to take over, and Zoe… decided to spend her time with Maya. Which didn’t seem like what Zoe should be doing. Still, it wasn’t bad, and it let Maya get to see the side of Zoe that wasn’t sleeping with her boyfriend or trying to ruin her life.

Zoe didn’t make too much fuss over Maya’s hair, which was another plus. Between the crash and the rescue Maya’s hair was a mess. They got Lola’s stylist in to do what he could, leaving the musician with a very rock star mohawk. The sides of her head were buzzed short, with the line of her scalp down to her ear, combed down to cover it, but if you brushed it the bald areas were visible. “It’ll grow back by fall,” Zoe insisted.

Zoe helped Maya to one of the chairs, by the window. Maya was forbidden from practicing music till she was done with PT, but she could at least hobble around the room with a helping hand and enjoy the sunlight. “Zoe… Grace won’t tell me what happened between you, is it why you slept with Zig?”

“Why would you ask that?” Zoe asked, a hesitation before she started being the only clue she might have an issue with the question. But she was an actress so the rest played normally.

“I go away for a few days, you screw my boyfriend and stop hanging out with Grace. Zig and I stay broken up, Grace kisses Zig and gets angry about my luck with boys. I figure something involves all three of you. I know, a dead prostitute on a trip to Vegas!” Maya smiles, a little, she’s a bit too weak to properly laugh still. PT takes a lot out of her, as does just… daily things like getting to the bathroom and staying awake.

“Nothing so simple. I-” Zoe hesitates, for only a brief moment. She’d come to terms, but she hadn’t been forced to say it yet. Not with all- everything. “I’m gay. I fell for Grace, we sorta did things… she said she wasn’t interested because…”

“Because she liked Zig.” Maya finished. That… was complicated, it explained a few old scars on Zoe that nobody talked about. Also why she dated Winston. And why Winston was nowhere near the hospital since the crash. He showed up once to bring Miles some fresh clothes, that was it. “And Zig was so easy cause he thought I was doing Jonah.”

“With your mom in the room.”

“Excuse me, what?” Maya attempted to sit up more. Which was still a mistake and she slumped back.

“Easy, Maya. You’ll just mess up your recovery.” Zoe was on her helping her back. Maya suddenly was even more aware of how hands on Zoe had been since the accident. And now was aware that she was staring. Eyes that were more than just concern staring.

“You’re looking at me like you’re trying for an oscar.”

“I… may have re-evaluated my jealousy of you. To being jealous of you, and whoever was with you.” Zoe hadn’t moved away. She hadn’t let Maya go. “If you want me to get someone else to stick around with you this summer.”

Maya stared back, a short eternity of thoughts in her head. It was messed up, severely messed up. But at the same time… a little sweet. Maya figured, a part of that, was she couldn’t exactly be sure what was right anymore. Her track record was just as messed up as Zoe’s. “I can’t lean forward, so, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, shut up and kiss me.”

Zoe didn’t hesitate, Maya was glad for that. Zoe didn’t need much work to do this. A few inches forward and their lips were together. Maya decided it was weird feeling a hand on her head when there wasn’t any hair over the skin. Brushing her right over her ear. They didn’t let up for several minutes until a voice called them out of it. “Maya. I thought the doctors told you not to over exert yourself.”

“Shut up Katie!” Maya said when Zoe recoiled to the other side of the room. Katie set lunch down on the table by the bed. Katie then fished out her sandwich, side, and drink, “I’ll eat this out there and make sure nobody comes visiting. But you two better not light any candles or play any mood music!”

Zoe felt incredibly confused, Katie should have had a bit more reaction to seeing her little sister, and a girl who had tortured Maya more than once, making out. “She didn’t seem surprised by us making out.”

“She wouldn’t be, you’re not the first girl she’s caught me with.” Maya bit her lip, “Get me to the bed and I’ll explain. While we eat. No more hanky panky. For now.”

The pair made it to the bed, Zoe moved over to the other end and put the table and the food between them, then knelt and started putting the items from the bag in front of each of them, “Explain while I set the table.”

“So… remember when we made up? After I got really wasted and was a total bitch to you, but you sorta deserved it?”

“Not with those details, but go on.”

“Katie came back from college for spring break, only for a day or two. She was a bit peeved Zig had her room. But she and her roommate crashed in the living room, they were only there a few days before they both left to visit her roommate’s grandmother in Montreal,” Maya bit her lip again, “Katie was wondering where her roommate ran off to, she came to me to ask if I’d seen her. But she didn’t knock, so she came in to find her roommate’s hand down my pants and my teeth were on her shoulder. It was… awkward.”

“So you’re…” Zoe didn’t want a repeat of what happened with Grace. Zoe and Grace had buried their past, Grace just… wasn’t one for relationships. She tried with the two people she was closest to, but what she needed were good friends. Not boyfriends, girlfriends, or random fuck buddies. Maya was straight, she had to be, just because she made a mistake with someone too old for her (the same too old Drew was for Zoe, way back when), didn’t change that. Right?

“Bi. I like boys, but… I kinda also like girls. It isn’t the same. But it isn’t all that different. It’s- hasn’t Miles ever explained it to you?” Maya grabbed a plate and brought it back to her, easier than sitting up, letting the bed do that for her.

“He… doesn’t talk about it around Tris. That’s still a thing. Boys can get so sensitive over this,” Zoe grinned, grabbing her own food and sitting down on the bed, using the food to draw her eyes away from Maya. Not that Maya could see her too well right now, no glasses and all.

“Oh. Well. Katie and Beth had a big fight over it, I stepped in and talked them down and explained how I kinda, sorta… a little… seduced her. Since Katie treats me like I’m twelve.”

“And nobody else knew?” Zoe was wondering how such a juicy bit of gossip went unnoticed by the whole school. Beloved by all Maya Matlin, music prodigy, most likely to get way more crap than she deserved liked girls. And nobody knew.

“Zig was insecure enough about Jonah I didn’t want to add the idea I’d hook up with Grace in his mind. Grace was… distant, and Tristan gets super judgey. So I just never brought it up. Besides, I was with Zig like a month later. And I thought that was going to last.” Maya was just pushing her food around now, bringing up Zig always got weird. Zig wasn’t seeing anyone, but he did have three different Grade Tens on the hook helping him around. Playing up his wounds.

“So…”

“So…”

“Now what?” Both girls said together. Not looking at each other.

***

“What’ll everyone say?” Zoe asked Maya, staring at the school entrance. Not looking at her girlfriend. Trying not to think about all the ways this can go wrong, failing at it, tremendously. Maya squeezed her hand again. Pulling Zoe’s attention to her.

“Do we really care?” Maya smirked and dragged Zoe toward the entrance. Zoe smiled, wasn’t that just how it worked. What mattered, right now, was the two of them. If anyone had a problem they could shove it. She was so lost in that thought she didn’t realize when Maya opened the door for them, she hadn’t continued far enough in.

Zoe crashed into Maya in front of the metal detectors. More accurately, their lips crashed. Zoe’s hands played over the soft fuzz of Maya’s regrowing hair. Under the curtain of long blonde locks. Maya’s hands moved to Zoe’s face and neck. Once they decided they had skirted the rules about PDA enough, “For luck.”

“We don’t need it, we’re already lucky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I wrote this initially after Next Class 2 aired, it was too short chapter by chapter and I didn't know where I was going with it. So other than this first chapter it wasn't very... good. I've rewritten basically all the after Next Class 3-4. Meaning I've added characters and plots that weren't originally a part of it.
> 
> The original versions of the chapters are still on my tumblr, if you like, but they really aren't the best.


	2. The First Day Back

Winston stared off into the distance, absently listening to his best friend. Well, listening to his best friend’s boyfriend. Miles wasn't doing much talking. “I swear, the pair have to be up to something. Both were so cagey on the phone this past week.”

“Maya was barely out of the hospital, you're worrying over nothing. Things aren't going to change.” Miles offered, moving Tristan’s books in and out of their locker. Tristan’s crutches limited his ability to carry his own books. Mostly, it seemed, to get other people to do things for him.

“Uh… Miles, you sure about that?” Winston offered after a few moments of continued staring.

“Oh. My. God. What is this?” Tristan’s reaction was over the top and filled the hall. Yet didn't do much to dissuade Zoe and Maya's little makeout session on Zoe’s locker. Maya pressed into it, hair swept away showing the short growth of new hair on her skull.

“Huh. That will still take some getting used to.” Miles said with about the level of disinterest reserved for paint drying and tax code explanations.

“Your exes making out?” Winston asked.

“Maya being gay?” Was Tristan’s guess.

“Her hair being that edgy.” Miles shut the locker and walked over to the pair of girls. With Tristan’s books, both boyfriend and best friend on his heels. “So, was there a naughty nurse outfit involved to start this.”

“Oh god,” Maya pushed Zoe away lightly and moved to stand.

Zoe rolled her eyes, “This isn't even the first time this week someone interrupted us. And these are friends, not random underclassmen.”

“That was one time.”

“What about with my dad?” Miles helpfully offered.

“We weren't making out,” Maya rebutted.

“Stop going down memory lane with my boyfriend, and tell me when you figured out you were gay.”

“I'm not,” Maya said, leveling off from the little high of sparring with Miles and Zoe.

“Fine, lesbian.”

“She isn't that either,” Zoe said, crossing her arms, stepping slightly between Maya and Tris. Winston took a step back, as did Miles. Both well aware not to step to that.

“Don't tell me this is some weird phase thing, that isn't fair to Zoe. You can't go back to Zig if he flexes his muscles.” Tristan dismissed, apparently unsatisfied with both answers.

“Okay! Enough Tris, my girlfriend is Bi. Can you handle that!?” Zoe pushed her way into Tristan’s space. Then sagged, and sighed, “Damnit.”

Maya grinned and leaned in to kiss Zoe’s cheek. Arms around her girlfriend’s waist as she snuggled into the actress’s back.

“We… clearly missed something,” Winston looked fairly… out of place with this group, “And are there any straight people left in our class?”

“Zoe was sure I would cave and use the g word first. So now she's buying us lunch. Sushi?” Maya grinned, catlike. Catlike and getting fish.

“Super cute how you keep flirting with your sad straight girlfriend,” Tristan sighed, drawing attention back to him.

“Tris…” Miles warned.

“What? Maya’s just going through all the weirdness of nearly dying and getting dumped by Zig.”

“Tris, she’s been bi a long time. Just you weren't friends with her when it happened.” Miles smiled, deflecting some of Tris’s attention.

But Maya and Zoe only seemed to be confused, Zoe said what Maya was clearly thinking, “Wait, you knew?”

“It seemed pretty obvious, she kept checking Jack out,” Miles was genuinely surprised. It seemed obvious to him. But Maya was somewhat important to him that year. 

Tristan was less enthusiastic about this. “I'm going to class, Miles. Let’s go.”

Winston was the next to movie, “But seriously, am I the only straight person left in our grade?”

Miles shot the pair of girls an apologetic look, “You do realize your pants are bright pink?”

Zoe played with Maya's hair as the blonde hugged her newly titled girlfriend. Maya’s eyes watched Zoe, the blonde asked, “What's on your mind.”

“Thinking that went better than I expected, even if I could have done without some of the mental images, but…” Zoe kissed Maya's forehead, “Jacqueline? Really?”

“She has great legs,” Maya opened the locker and grabbed some things. Zoe shrugged, not really any argument to Maya's point. Maya smiled, “Let's get to class before we skip and find one of the seven places Katie had marked off to fool around.”

Zoe sighed, it was so much better without class. Eventually everyone else will come around.

This entire exchange was, of course, in public. There were a number of other students in the hallway watching things wasn’t zero. “Is that normal? Just to have that happen in the hallways?”

“Nothing involving my brother and his friends is normal,” Frankie said, glancing over her shoulder at the new student.

“I like Maya’s new hair, it’s taken me awhile to get on board with it.” Lola’s tone was casual, entirely unbothered by the fight, the make-out, or anything else.

Shay glanced at her friends, then over at the other two girls, “Goldi, you two good?”

“We’re fine. We’ll see you at lunch?” Goldi smiled. Shay, Frankie, and Lola headed off to class. “Is it too much, I can remind everyone about the rules on public displays of affection if it’s a problem for you or the other Syrian students.”

“No, it is not a problem. It just takes some getting used to.”

“If you’re sure, Rasha. Anyway we should get to class too.”

Rasha took a moment to consider the school and how it is, and smiled.

***

The day was fairly cut and dry for most of the kids coming back from their injuries, Zig couldn’t really count anything as weird up until lunch rolled around. He hadn’t seen a lot of Maya but they were barely talking again after everything. Meaning Zig wasn’t expecting to be pulled into a seat as he entered the caf, yet here he was. “What the hell Grace?”

“We’re eating over here, Novak.” Grace answered, eyes unwaveringly on the other side of the room. Zig didn’t really know what was going on. But Grace was usually pretty on the ball, so there had to be a good reason. Plus he wasn’t going to put up a fight right now. Tiny slipped into the other spot.

“We’re not waiting for the princess- oh.” Tiny’s question was answered by something he saw. Zig started to look around the room for what had his friends so… weird. Of course, he probably should have started where they both were staring.

Zig didn’t say anything. At first it just seemed harmless. Maya and Zoe were hanging out all summer, this was something they all knew. So the two sharing a sushi lunch that seemed to have been ordered into the school was… weird, but nothing too out there. It was when Maya booped Zoe on the nose, and then the former actress kissed the aspiring pop star that Zig’s confusion turned into pain, and shortly after anger.

“Dude, you should see if you can make a threeso-ow! What was that for?” Tiny was either trying to lighten the mood, or he really thought Zig had a shot. If Zig had to guess, Grace stomped Tiny’s foot under the table leading to that cry of pain. “So… any idea Maya was gay?”

That time Tiny moved his foot from Grace’s stomp. “Zig, you alright?”

“Why would she date her? After everything they’ve done to each other?” Zig said, still staring. Grace and Tiny’s attention had moved on to the more pressing concern. Zig.

“Beat up her boyfriend, get her house trashed, cheat on her with a girl she hates?” Tiny offers.

“Shut up, I’m serious.”

“I think Tiny is too. Zig, you and Maya have some messed up history.”

“Yeah, but I love her. And now…”

“She’s with someone else, sucks doesn’t it? Move on.” Grace shot Zig a glance, before she returned to watching Maya and Zoe.

“You mean with you, cause I remember at my party…” Tiny started.

“No, I’m over that. He can go after Esme, or Lola, or even Winston if he wants. I don’t care.” Grace spat, her study of the princess and self-proclaimed queen not halted to school Tiny.

“I’m right here…” Oh yeah, Zig was there while they talked about him. “What’s she even see in her anyway?”

“Shay said Zoe took Maya as her way to help out,” Tiny offered.

“When, I thought we both had Shay as our tutor?” Zig demanded, wondering if Tiny had a head start. Everyone in the crash had someone assigned as their study buddy.  Zig and Tiny had Shay and Lola, which meant mostly Shay doing the work. Grace had Winston, Jonah and Tristan had the Hollingsworths they were dating.

“We had some… private sessions. Sock on the doorknob?” Tiny played a mean eyebrow game. Grace rolled her eyes hard at this.

“Still, what could a few study sessions do to change everything?” Zig was angry-sulking.

“They were clearly studying the way Tiny likes,” Grace muttered. Zig deflated at the words.

“So has Maya always been a dy- lesbian?” Tiny whispers.

“I don't know, Zoe's definitely gay but given Maya's past she's probably bi. Why don't you  ask her in the Rubber Room if you care?” Grace had turned her attention to her food, trying to ignore her friend and former friend and their sushi date.

“How do you know Zoe's gay, she's dated more guys than you have.” Grace forgot how quick Tiny was on the upkeep, Zig was still lost in his anger.

“I was her friend, it came up.”

“It came up?”

“Yeah, don't make a big thing about it.”

“Oh-kay…” Tiny glanced over at Zig, he was glaring and not really listening anymore, “What are we going to do tomorrow, are we just cutting Maya out?”

“No. We'll just… have to see, I'll talk to her. You take Zig,” She glanced at their gloomy friend, “Get him to stop glaring at least, he has to pretend to be normal around her.”

“Why do I always get the hard job? Just once you take Zig and I'll talk to the Princess.”

“You live with Novak and my gang never tore up Maya’s house?”

“...Fine, but next time. I get Matlin.”

“Deal.”

Grace glanced over at her friend and former friend. Matlin was going to feed Zoe a tuna roll… and then she didn't, eating it herself. Zoe shoved the blonde playfully and went for the last of one kind of roll, Grace couldn't recognize it. The two were laughing and shoving. It was nice, seeing both of them that way.

Why did it hurt?


	3. Evening of Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning for character after sex.

Maya pulled her pants and panties back on. The pants took some work due to their skinny jean status, and Maya definitely noticed Zoe stare as the musician wiggled and squirmed her butt into her jeans. Which made Maya wiggle just a little more, simply for her audience.

“Keep doing that you’ll need to take those back off,” Zoe offered, her skirt was back on but her blouse was still on the bed. However as they were both girls, and as far as Maya’s parents knew just friends, shirtless could be explained away. It was still warm enough that going without a shirt was preferable. Plus over the summer Zoe spent more than a few nights here to keep Maya ‘company’ over her recovery period after her release. Katie was home so the pair even shared a room. Although they figured now her mom might expect the TV starlet to want her own space now that Katie returned to University.

“And then mom finds out we’re dating and you won’t be able to sleep over anymore. Besides I’m still delicate, more than twice in a day and you might break me.” Maya joked as she flopped back onto the bed. Maya leaned over and gave her girlfriend a kiss. Zoe’s attention shifted to the way Maya was cradling her arm.

“It still hurts?”

“Only when I move it.” Maya had a lot of nerve and joint damage to her right arm. Zoe had noticed the blonde was very slow when taking notes in school. And… other things.

“Is that why you fingered me with your left hand?” Zoe got up and moved around the bed to be on Maya’s left side. Holding that hand instead of the injured one. Maya nodded, “Can you still play?”

“Not… like I could, the doctors say I could get all the movement back, but it’ll take time. I have to double down on my internship with Peter if I want to get into any good music programs,” Maya squeezed Zoe’s hand, she squeezed back. She knew what Maya’s music meant to her, to Zoe it would be like losing her ability to be cast. Something that left her relegated to bit parts because of looks, talent, or ability. It sucked, your dream being lost. “We should probably go wash our hands.”

“Why?” Zoe smiled, innocent in a way the girl probably has never been.

“Because we know where those have been,” Maya offered, biting her lip. Which turned into a gasp a Zoe sucked on one of Maya’s fingers. “You know, maybe I got dressed too soon.”

“Yes, but you made your choice, so you’ll just have to suffer for now,” Zoe leaned in and kissed Maya. Maya will eventually get used to kissing after oral sex. It just felt… strange. Zig never did it, and Miles was a long time ago. Although, one advantage to dating a girl who acts, Zoe was not hesitant at all in her kisses. To the point they managed to have Maya’s parents convinced cheek kisses were just a thing Zoe did. “So, what are we wearing to the party this weekend?”

“What party this weekend?” Maya was a little excited, first party with them as a couple. That’d be fun, casual environment, little bit of drinking, maybe everyone will stop being so goddamn weird.

“Miles is having a start of the year pool party.”

“Oh,” Well that took the wind out of Maya’s sails.

“What’s the problem, we can go shopping, find the cutest bikinis to make every girl jealous of us…” Zoe trailed off as that statement seemed to just make Maya look more vacant and dejected.

Maya pulled her hand away from Zoe and slipped off the bed, “Maybe we should just stay in. My parents won’t be home so we can just spend the whole day doing more of what we did earlier.”

“Tempting. But I’d rather you wanted to screw me and not wanted to avoid whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

Maya moved to her mirror and just… stared at herself. Zoe took this as a cue to step in behind the other girl. Wrapping her arms around the blonde in a loose hug.

“What’s wrong?”

“My hair looks weird wet.”

“And.”

“And Tristan was being extra weird about us.”

“And.”

“And I don’t want people to stare at them.”

Zoe had to take a few moments to think what Maya meant by that. It wasn’t about her tits, because Maya wore enough things to show those off. And if anything they’d be staring at Zoe’s tits, not that Zoe had an ego about this. Then… oh. Zoe slid her hands down to the hem of Maya’s shirt. Sliding the yellow fabric up to the bottom of Maya’s bust. Along Maya’s right side were a handful of long slender scars. Maya didn’t remember enough to say what caused them, but they were dark and hard to miss.

Zoe simply was too busy looking lower, or higher, on any given night to really notice them. And while she had seen them, they weren’t really that important to her. She had her own scars, with a lot worse of a story attached, “Those.”

Maya had her eyes closed. “I’d rather people just stare at my tits. Do you think anyone would mind if I went topless? Or if we all went skinny dipping?”

“Your exes, no, Grace probably not, Winston would drool. Most of the girls would call you a hussy. And Tristan would think you’re trying to steal Miles back. So I think it’d be great fun to see how this goes wrong.” Zoe kissed Maya’s cheek. “They aren’t that bad, they make you a little badass.”

“Shut up.”

Zoe traced her finger over the marks, dipping a little lower to touch the more sensitive unmarked skin around them, “I mean it, you’re beautiful. But if you want we can get one of those weird bikinis that cover up the tummy. Make them less obvious. Or I could just kiss them to make them better.”

“Zoe,” Maya whined, which turned into something else as the dark haired girl’s lips and teeth played around with Maya’s neck.

“Or I could give you a hickey the size of a small moon and then nobody would be looking anywhere else.”

Maya gasped again as Zoe continued, looking away as she considered how that would go.

Zoe opened her eyes and saw that, stopped biting her girlfriend and slapped her in the left arm, “Stop actually considering that!”

“You offered.”

“Yes, but I mean it, you’re beautiful. If I give you a giant hickey I want it just to be so you keep making those noises.”

“Fine, I want a giant hickey because you’re really good at doing that.”

“I practiced on set. It helped sell some of my gay costars had girlfriends,” the conversation halted as Zoe went back to work. It was a little early in the week for that hickey to last, but that simply meant they would have to do this again. Maya made interesting noises as Zoe’s hands started to move.

_ DING-DONG _ .

The doorbell downstairs startled the both of them apart. “I-I’ll go put my shirt on.”

“I’ll go get the door,” Maya shrugged into a button up, collar popped to cover her neck, and headed down to the door.

Maya opened the door and just stared at who was there for a few moments, Zoe was still buttoning her blouse as she came down the stairs, “So who is at- Hi Grace.”

Grace was looking a bit sheepish as she felt she  _ definitely _ interrupted something. Maya’s blush and Zoe’s smirk pretty much spelled out what was happening. “Should I come back?”

“Probably not.” Zoe said. Cold and fiery all at once. The two hadn’t really… patched things up. Maya would need to work on that, later.

“No, it’s fine. Zoe should probably remind her mother she has a daughter. Right?” Maya’s look was pleading as she said it. Zoe softened at the look.

“Fine, but only because my mom thinks I’m sneaking around with a girl I shouldn’t be seeing. Can’t have her thinking that.” Zoe cemented this by planting Maya into the wall and kissing her, a kiss that was definitely meant for their audience to some degree. Which Grace reacted as Zoe wanted by looking away.

Zoe gave Grace a smirk as the girl grabbed her bag from by the door and sashayed past the punk hacker.

“So… we have to talk, don’t we?”

“No shit blondie.”

***

Tiny had convinced his aunt to take in Zig after the crash. The two, once they were done with physical recovery, got jobs to help pay the bills and make Zig not a burden. As the two walked home, “How are you doing?”

“About Maya?” Zig mumbled, definitely this was the topic still bothering him since lunch.

“Did any other love of your life start dating the girl you cheated with?”

“Tiny…”

“Dude, you have to figure out what you want. But it had better not be Maya. We’ve been  down this path.” Tiny clapped a hand on Zig’s shoulder.

“I know,” Since the crash, since the crash his mind has been on Maya a lot. Every way he hurt her, but also, “I just… I remember being checked by the paramedics when they pulled Maya out of the bus. She was-”

“I remember her in the hospital, we don’t need to go back there.”

“But she was just so- so small. And she wasn’t moving. And-”

“Zig, you told me about her and that Cam guy. And I remember her with Moneybags, fucking up her lovelife isn’t the right play. Just- you have to accept she isn’t the one for you.”

“Easy for you to say, you keep getting Tutoring with Shay.”

Tiny smirked in reply, but said nothing.

“I guess… Esme’s pretty hot, and a great dancer.”

“There you go, just focus on what you’ve got. You gotta not be weird with her? Can you do that?”

Zig blinked, putting together what wasn’t being said with what he knew about his friends, “Grace wanted you to talk to me so she can sit with us.” This thought immediately lead into a next, terrifying idea, “You don’t think she and Zoe will sit with us?”

“Have you seen Grace and Zoe, not a chance. But I kinda miss Maya after you screwed it up. She’s my friend too you know.” Tiny watched Zig for a few moments before moving ahead.

“Right, right…”

***

Maya sat on the sofa. Grace in in the window box. Maya's eyes darted to Grace, then away, to the empty space of the wall. Grace’s stare was constant, piercing, studying. Her eyes didn't leave her friend, as if watching her would provide her the answer. Maya wanted Grace to ask, Grace wanted Maya to explain. Neither seemed keen to break the stalemate. Until Grace found her answer.

“She told you.”

“Well, she had to, one thing I wanted to know was why she did it. And not just because Zig was easy.”

“And?”

“You promised you'd never lie to me again! And you forgot to tell me something really important.”

“It was hard, telling you that I was why-”

Maya had stormed across the room, “Why what? Why you thought you liked girls? Why didn't you trust me so I could help you!?”

That was not what Grace was expecting, not with Maya in her face. Not with how obsessed the blonde princess was with Novak. Grace looked like someone had just slapped her, that was the shock in play across her face. It didn't abate when Maya hugged her. Dainty lanky arms wrapped around the stunned hacker.

“I could have helped. I already went through figuring out what I liked. And I wouldn't have cared if you found happiness with Zoe.”

“Maya…” Grace was so stunned she used Maya's name.

“Now, ask it. Everyone wants to ask. Ask it.”

That got Grace to return to the world, and push Maya off, “Fine, I'll ask, but get off weirdo. Geez you're clingy…”

Maya bounced back from being shoved by sitting in the windowbox with Grace. Undeterred by the words.

“What are you doing with the Degrassi Madame? Made out with two of your boyfriends, made that gross slutshaming page about you, generally your least favorite person in the school?” It was the question. Maybe not how Maya was expecting it, but it was in the ballpark.

“It isn't Stockholm syndrome. It's… we're not actually that different, I guess. Now,  anyway.”

“Yeah, not buying this isn't a Stepford Wives thing.”

Maya punched Grace in the arm, and then regretted it immediately. Even with her good hand that was a bad idea. “She just wants to be loved, and I get that. And unlike Miles or Zig we talked through a lot of our… stuff. So she knows about my anxiety, and I know about her tendency to lash out. We're going to keep each other in check.”

“And that's enough to say you love each other?”

“We're not there yet. We only say that after we plot the downfall of our enemies, or have sex.” The look Maya gave Grace told her all she needed about the honesty of that statement. It was true, and said specifically to mess with Grace.

“Ew. I don't need that in my head.”

“What, you're not curious what I'm like in bed. I have way more experience with girls than Zoe. Maybe with me you'd have liked it.” Maya leaned into Grace’s side.

Grace shoved Maya away, “Doubtful. Not gay. I don't think…”

“What happened anyway? Zoe told me how she felt, and what you did but. Not, details. You know.”

Grace sighed, “So last summer Zoe kissed me and… that was my first kiss. With the CF, and the hospital stays I had only really connected with other hackers. Nobody in person. And… it didn't suck?”

“But then you kept hanging out, going on boxer raids and being like two schoolgirls in love?” Maya wasn't intending to tease, but it is how the words came out.

“Well, I liked her. I liked having someone close to me. And kissing is fine, I guess. I wanted it to be more. I wanted…”

“What I had with Zig?”

“Sorta, I mean. I like Novak. But even after kissing him I didn't feel any different. I didn't spend my lunch undressing him with my eyes. It was just more of the same wanting something more. Wanting to be, I don't know, normal?” Grace looked away, she was showing her gooey nice center again. She hated being so close and open to people. Especially people who should hate her.

“Well, I'd been undressing Zig with my eyes since we were both freshmen. And I started doing that with girls, well, after the storm that closed the school?” Maya glanced to see Grace react, it was more of that confusion everyone gave at Maya's orientation now. Not that she was a little gay, but she had been bi for so long.

“So… you've known for a while?”

“Well, yeah, I worked through it on my own. A little help from Katie, she knows more lesbians than I do. And from Degrassi nudes.”

Grace stared at Maya, trying to gauge if the other girl was being serious. Maya had a habit of saying things for effect. “I thought only idiot boys with more money than sense did that.”

“And idiot girls who were tired of fake pornstar tits.”

Grace… shrugged, in agreement. It was a fairly good reason, even if it was weird.

“So…” Maya glanced over, “Kissing Zig didn’t do it for you, and screwing Zoe didn’t either?”

Grace glanced at Maya before turning away, she wasn’t sure if it was shame or jealousy that kept her from looking at the princess. “Basically, I’m just…”

“Used to being alone?”

“Something like that.”

“Well,” Maya bounced down next to Grace and leaned on her, “I’m sticking around, whole way.”

“You know what that means.”

“Won’t be the first time…” Maya mumbled, then looked at her, “Illness has killed someone important to me before. I survived. Mostly… I mean I’m kind of a mess.”

Grace smirked, she didn’t even shove Maya off of her… right away anyway. She did a few seconds later. “So, we’re cool. What about Zoe?”

“I’ll work on her. It’ll be fine.”

Grace almost believed her.


	4. The New Normal?

Maya struggled to write out lyrics in her notebook. Every few strokes of her pencil she had to stop and massage her arm. It made getting anything done infinitely worse. But she loved music, so it was worth it to her. Even if after a little while she questioned her dedication.

“Maya, got a moment?”

Maya looked up at Goldi and another girl. Also muslim, she guessed they were housing her from Syria. Maya glanced up, then rested her hand for a moment. “Sure, what’s up?”

“Now that I’m Student Council President I was wondering if you were up to being sole president of the Feminist Club?” Goldi smiled, it was probably meant to be pleasant and humble. But she was bragging. About the grave injustice of her being VP to the boy who ruined the election.

Maya sighed, “Goldi.”

“What, I don’t have the time to do both, and I thought-”

“That I’d just take over? I have enough going on right now.” Maya looked back at her notebook hoping Goldi would take the hint. She kinda pulled away from Feminist Club after all the harrassment. She just wasn’t ready to do something that’d open her up to even more harassment.

“What if I take over, and Maya just helps me get up to date?” The other girl spoke up. Where Goldi’s expressions always seemed calculated and political, this girl was genuine. Her smile felt friendly, “I’m Rasha. I have been living with the Nahirs since I came to Canada.”

“Maya,” She studied the girl, trying to figure out how to answer.

“I noticed you were clutching your arm. I imagine that trying to run a club might be a bit much with what I heard about the crash.”

Goldi looked absolutely guilty as Rasha seemed to twig onto what was going on. “Yes, would that work better?”

“I guess, for a little while. But I really can’t for too long.” Maya forced a smile.

“Are you sure, cause you were really good for the club and-”

“Look, keeping up with my own life is hard enough. I got enough reasons for people to give me crap. I don’t need your brother or anyone like him to find some new excuse to fuck with me!” Maya pulled herself up to stand in Goldi’s face. The few inches of height to help sell how done she was here. Maya didn’t really smooth out her voice, be any kinder, “Rasha I’ll be happy to help you take over, but I can’t really give too much of my time.”

“O-kay.” Goldi was not ready for that level of anger directed at her. She hadn’t done anything wrong, not as far as she was aware.

“I’ll try not to take up too much of your time, Maya.” Rasha had taken a step back, “It was nice to meet you?”

Maya grabbed her stuff, at first with her bad hand but quickly switching to just using her good one. Then stormed off before Goldi tried to help any more. 

***

Zoe sat down at the table with Winston and Miles, looking around, “No Tristan?”

“He’s getting his cast off before the pool party, only appointment he could get.” Miles continued to scroll through his phone, “No Maya?”

“She’s hanging out with her friends, she offered I could join but-”

“You afraid Tiny would feel left out because you never slept with him.” Miles didn’t look up.

“Anyway,” Zoe glanced over at Winston who was face down on the table either dead or napping, “Winston, what’s Student Council with Goldi in charge?”

“Please come back, Tristan was using it to just get with random guys, but he didn’t work us to the bone like we mattered. Goldi keeps doing everything but the fun stuff.” Winston didn’t lift his head up, he mumbled it into his arms like a zombie.

“Tempting, you’re asking for a coup after only a few weeks of her reign, and only a few days of school.” Zoe was waiting for a reaction from Miles over Tristan and his proclivities in office. Nothing. Boring.

“She’s that bad.”

“It might be better,” Miles continued to play with his phone, “apparently she’s already losing huge chunks of the student body. She won’t reinstate the gamer club and she keeps blocking Hunter’s attempts to create an AV club.”

“Since Maya and I are out, Vijay came to us because she moved the GSA to an unused storage closet, to give the Syrian Refugees a prayer room.” Zoe considered, being president could be fun. Not to mention Goldi seemed more interested in her own ventures than anyone else, “Maya was also pissed off, apparently Goldi wanted her to take over the Feminist Club?”

“Maya’s not still into that?”

“Mostly she’s just not feeling up for it. She’s still into the cause.”

“Maybe,” Miles drawled, looking up, “If you two had less sex Maya would have more energy.”

“Ha. Ha.” Zoe glared at him, “Winston, if you want me to do this maybe we should chat at the pool party. Figure out the best way to turn the council on her if she’s really making everyone suffer.”

Winston, surprisingly, shot up and hugged Zoe. She froze a little, Winston was a bit skittish after… everything. So this was not what she expected, “Okay, off me, weirdo.”

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you,” the words were honestly more a single sound than separated by anything. Guess Goldi really wasn’t meant to be in charge of so many people.

“So, you and Maya, how’s that going?” Miles asked, he’d put his phone down and his tone had shifted.

“Fine, you know how she is.”

“I meant more about your mom.”

“Oh.” Zoe investigated her food for a moment, “She’s… pretty sure I’m dating Zig. Or trying to fuck him.”

“And that you just say Maya because…” Winston looked, for a moment, like he had a place to go with that thought. But clearly lost it and tried to change that into a question, “what?”

“I don’t know, I’m fairly sure if mom caught me having sex with Maya she’d assume it was some complicated revenge scheme.”

“Not entirely out of the realm of things you’ve done,” Miles smiled after.

“Your boyfriend doesn’t think bisexuals exist.”

“Just when it comes to Maya, she does have a history.”

“Of dating boys, which still fits being bi. Your history is longer and messier.”

“More fun.” Miles corrected.

“I get enough of this when Tris is around, can we not argue about this,” Winston clearly had enough of variations on gay, bi, lesbian to last him a while.

“He’s not that bad.”

“He threw a pencil at me cause I made a joke about the scores of girls you’ve been with.”

Zoe snorted, “That sounds like Tris.”

“He’s been dealing with a lot.”

“One of the big problems figuring out what I am is him just insisting I was gay and should come out,” Zoe was trying to figure out if Miles just didn’t want to see it, or if Tris just hid this from him. “And he kept pointing at you as proof. That you’re only into guys now.”

“Whatever, he just- he doesn’t mean it. Okay.”

Winston and Zoe shared a look, and both decided to drop it.

***

Lola lead Rasha across the patio and into the back door of the Hollingsworth home, “Do you normally just walk in like this?”

“Um, duh, especially when we’re all suppose to meet up to work on school things anyway,” Lola smiled and held the door open.

“Hey Lola, hi Rasha,” Frankie frowned.

“Perino caught me before I left and said Rasha didn’t have a group to work with, since he found me, she’s with us.”

“Aren’t you a grade twelve?” Shay asked.

“Not all my credits transferred properly due to-” Rasha ended that thought early and just sat down. “What are we working on.”

“Shay’s texting Tiny and Frankie’s looking at pictures of bikinis.” Lola answered from her position standing over everyone.

“You can’t even see my screen.”

“And the pictures have to be super tiny from up there.”

Lola didn’t answer at all and just crouched in front of Frankie, holding her hand to the girl’s forehead.

“What? Lo?”

“None of those are your body type, or meant for your complexion. And you know better. Are you feeling okay? Do you have a fever or something?” Lola’s certain something is up, but can’t put her finger on what. Just that Frankie isn’t shopping for the party this weekend.

“Get off me weirdo, I’m fine. I dunno. I just- was bored.” Frankie glanced up at Rasha, “I’ll totally stop looking at bikini photos if that’s weird for you.”

“Huh?” Rasha glanced at the scarf she had, “Oh, no, I used to love wearing bikinis to the beach. This is mostly-”

“Goldi is some sort control freak who wants everything just the way she likes.” Lola filled in.

Rasha blinked, “She is not that bad, is she?”

Frankie and Lola exchanged looks. Shay filled the space, “She’s just a lot to deal with. She used money from the athletics budgets for the refugee program. Specifically from the boys teams. It’s kinda caused some problems.”

“My brother and his friends wanted to start an AV club, so they can vlog about their favorite stuff? She axed that cause it was too boy centric.” Frankie continued scrolling through her phone.

“They asked me to help,” Lola added, “That if there was another girl in the club it might help them sell it. But a beauty vlog that wasn’t about ‘natural beauty’ was too objectifying.”

“But your make-up is so cute!” Rasha did not really know this is how Goldi was.

Lola didn’t really answer but just bask in the praise like she always did. Leading her friends to roll their eyes.

Rasha started taking off her scarf, “Honestly I really want to just go back to how I normally dressed. And it didn’t involve this.”

Shay was not watching as she removed her scarf and showed of a short, very curly hairstyle. Frankie and Lola were absolutely watching. It definitely wasn’t what either girl was expecting. “What?”

“Nothing, just…  I was sorta expecting. Well, something a little less styled? Like Goldi’s.” Frankie said, then paused, “Not that you had to have the same hair just-”

“She means since you don’t show it off. I think it’s almost as cute as mine!” Lola had bounced a little closer to Rasha.

“Thank you?”

“Take the compliment, ‘almost as cute as her’ is the nicest thing Lola’s ever said about anyone ever.” Shay had glanced up, found nothing of interest. And went back to texting Tiny.

“You’ve got to go bikini shopping with me!” Lola had completely forgotten why they were here, or that Frankie’s phone searches were weird. “These two never do and they’d be so much better dressed if they did.”

“You take at least three hours to pick out the right things, Lo.” Shay clearly was done with this line of thought before it started.

“I like to be sure, please please please.”

Rasha laughed, “Yes, it sound very fun. I will check with the Nahirs first. But if they say yes, of course.”

Lola squealed, excited about what she took as a victory and gave Rasha a hug. Rasha patted the smaller girl on the back as she returned the gesture, Rasha glancing over to Frankie.

The knowing little smirk of ‘this is just how our Lola is’ told Rasha all she needed, “So, shall we get to actual work?”


	5. The Big Party

The Hollingsworth House was always the place for a good party. At worst it was a huge house with too many rooms, a full pantry, and a pool. At best there was an open bar, with all of the above. The house had seen many salacious happy memories of a couple finding a spare room to get to know each other in. Darker twisted memories of violence, and abuse, both of the family that called it home and of strangers with a poor timing and even worse luck.

But, the house was still beautiful, the food plentiful, and the pool cold and inviting. What else could anyone want? When Miles opened his doors to everyone, everyone showed up.

“Thank God you’re here, let’s get up to my room,” Hunter ran down when he spotted his best friends arriving. As much as they all eagerly followed, Baaz and Vijay spent more than a few moments eyeing various people for what they were (or rather weren’t) wearing. Yael, however, seemed more than comfortable following her boyfriend out of the chaos and into the quiet of his room where they could create carnage on their terms.

But even those four seemed a bit more comfortable at a party than Goldi. She enjoyed her work, her causes, and her ambitions. She hadn’t made the best impression on a number of her classmates, and it often made her awkward around them. On top of that, most of the girls were in bikinis and she was fully dressed. She didn’t go swimming much so she didn’t have a Burkini to wear.

Instead, she looked for Rasha or Winston, someone she could talk to. She finally spotted Rasha after watching Jonah and Frankie run off in one direction, and Shay and Tiny into another. Leaving a rather put out blue haired fashionista, and her equally fashionable friend.

Rasha. Who was stretched out next to Lola sunning in a bikini. She looked nice, like she belonged even. “Rasha, what- just what?”

“Relax, Rasha looks amazing,” Lola had put her sunglasses down and was just letting herself bask. Show off like Lola always did.

“That’s not the point,” Goldi turned her attention to Lola, “This is your doing, you got into her head with your-”

“Woah, easy!” Rasha stepped in front of Goldi, blocking her from Lola, “Goldi. This is how I used to dress. This is how I like dressing. Usually I don’t try on fifty different swimsuits but Lola is very good at shopping.”

“They don’t offer any classes in it, I’d get As.”

Rasha smiled, but quickly shook off her enjoyment of Lola’s… uniqueness. “Goldi, it is a party, I wanted to be myself.”

“But I thought… you were like me.” Goldi leveled one last glare at Lola, turned on her heel, and stormed off looking for Winston.

“Goldi, wait.” Rasha took a few steps, looked back at Lola.

“Go, get her to calm down or whatever.”

Rasha smiled and then ran off after her friend.

“It’s fine, I’ll entertain myself.”

***

Tristan stood at the house entrance, leaning on the railing overlooking the pool and the patio, watching and waiting to find where he needed to go to talk to people. There was a lot going on since the school year began, and now he could walk freely where he needed to go. More or less.

“Just because you date Miles doesn’t mean you’re the king of this domain,” Zoe said taking up a position to Tristan’s right.

“Hilarious, Zoe,” He didn’t sound amused in the slightest, “Where’s your pathetic straight romance of the hour?”

“Helping Winston double check the sound system. She said one of the speakers is out,” Zoe sipped her slightly alcoholic mix drink. “She’s not pathetic, nor straight.”

“Whatever, I’ve known her for like forever and there weren’t any vibes from her.” Tris resumed overlooking the crowd at a party clearly meant for him. What other reason would this party have.

“You seemed sure Grace was gay, maybe your gaydar is just pathetic.”

“Okay, time out,” Tristan turned to look at Zoe, “Her whole weird punk hacker look threw my game. But Maya’s my best friend.”

“Was your best friend.”

“Excuse me?” Tristan crossed his arms and put his full height to work.

Zoe didn’t back down. “When was the last time you and Maya hung out outside of school?”

“Well-”

“That wasn’t her inviting everyone she knows to a gig.”

Tristan stopped.

“You and Maya needed each other cause Tori moved, then once I showed up you ditched her. You turned your back on her cause she wanted to save you from a creep. Which had I known about I’d have turned him in. And you’re acting like you know her anymore.”

Tristan turned away, “You’re so pathetic, Zoe Rivas. All this work to save your relationship with a messed up straight girl just because you can’t find someone perfectly gay like I have.”

“Tris-”

“What? Nothing else to say,” Tristan turned to see Miles had walked up while he was being dramatic. Winston and Maya behind him trying to not be seen. “Oh. Miles.”

Miles stormed through the party to one of the doors inside, and vanished.

“You did this,” Tris whirled on Zoe again, “If you couldn’t keep your stupid nose out if it.”

“What? He’d still be bi Tris,” Maya interjected, stepping in between Tristan and Zoe. “That’s never changed. You just don’t wanna see it.”

Tristan opened his mouth to talk, Zoe stepped in this time.

“Save it. I don’t care,” Zoe turned to Maya, “Let’s jump in the pool I need to cool off after all of this.”

The pair headed down the stairs into the patio. Tris looked around and he was alone. Miles ran off, Winston scurried away during the shouting, and his two best friends. Former best friends? He wasn’t sure what they were anymore, left him there.

He’d gone from ruling this party as royalty, to alone in a crowded room. Terrific.

***

Elsewhere in the house Frankie had Jonah where she wanted him. In her bed, kissing her. This was working for her, she looked cute in her bikini, Jonah was still in that grungy street look but she liked that look. She liked kissing, she liked feeling wanted. It was going great.

Until, of course, the same thing that always ruined it.

Frankie reached behind her to undo her top.

And Jonah stopped her.

“What?” Frankie pulled back, “I’m not trying to have sex with you, I just thought-”

“Frankie, we’ve been over this.”

“No, we haven’t, you just stop me and never explain why you don’t want me.” She honestly hoped Jonah was gay, it was the least hurtful answer he could give to why just the idea of her tits bothered him. She kinda got not doing other things. Even if none of them were having sex.

She wasn’t even sure if she wanted sex, she wanted- she wanted something. She wanted more, was about as much as she could phrase it.

“Yes, but starting with that could lead to sex, and I’d rather not go there.” Jonah sighed and pulled himself off the bed. “I’m going back to the party.”

Frankie didn’t leave her bed, she just curled up against her pillow. The party didn’t really interest her anymore.

***

When Miles stormed through the party Lola followed, why she followed she couldn’t quite say. He wasn’t her problem, sure he was cute. And he was hurt. And he could probably use someone to talk to. And whatever that was clearly sucked, she could just tell Tristan was being loud but she wasn’t paying enough attention to know what it was until it already blew up. And by then everyone went in separate directions.

Miles was sitting at the dining room table, a stack of junk mail to his side, a trashcan at his feet, and a lighter in his hand.

A lighter Lola snatched out of his hand.

“Give that back.”

“This room is not ventilated for setting fires, if you’re going to be some weird arsonist go to the kitchen,” Lola pointed to the room right next to the dining room, she was stern and in control. Not a look he’d seen much of in her, not… usually.

“You’re… not stopping me? Just telling me not to set the house on fire?”

“If this is whatever you need to cheer up, sure. Just don’t kill everyone in a fire.” She hadn’t given him back, but she didn’t seem opposed. “What happened anyway?”

“Just- you ever love someone but they just don’t see you the way you want to be seen? They see some other person you’ll never be.”

Lola’s face softened, instantly, she took a seat on the floor, “All the time. That’s just… sorta me. They see some other person that was never going to be you, and trying to be this person is just killing a little bit of yourself.”

Miles… wasn’t expecting that, he never really gave Frankie’s friends more than a passing thought. Lola was cute and knew how to be cuter. Shay was strong and worked hard. That was it. “Yeah, it’s just- you want to be yourself, and be seen. You change to be the best version of yourself, but-”

“Anything else isn’t you, it’s some mask you have to wear.” Lola looked up, “Tris is still doing that biphobic thing like during the debate?”

“He seems to think that I don’t love him cause I could be with a woman.”

“But you choose to be with him, for who he is. And that’s what should count.”

“You have the same thing?”

“No… everyone just expects me to be happy, and help them, and be around. And then they don’t understand how much it hurts that the moment they get another offer they run off. To be with someone else. And then when they come back to me I just… they want me to not be hurt. And they aren’t around when I need help.”

“What do you mean?”

“So… you know about the time I was reading about masturbation in class and the teacher caught me?”

Miles had been in a self-induced drug stupor most of that time, but even he remembered that getting to him. He nodded.

“I wanted to know if I was weird, or broken, or messed up? But Frankie wouldn’t help me and Shay was all pissy I was dating Tiny. So I had to deal with that alone,” Lola looked down, fidgeting with her fingers nervously, “Then when Tiny and I were getting serious, and I was terrified if I let myself love him he’d leave. Nobody could see how much it messed with me. How afraid I was, they just wanted me to be cute, and work on volleyball, and not be weird.”

There were a lot of feelings packed in such a tiny package, Miles could understand it. Tris wasn’t the easiest to get along with during physical therapy, he was constantly angry, and constantly lashing out. But only he had to deal with it. Zoe retreated into Maya’s arms, and everyone else was busy with some other person.

“And then when Tiny dumped me for Shay, Shay wanted me to just be happy for her, give up someone I loved and watch him and my best friend, every day. Like that didn’t hurt her every day I was with him.”

“My sister,” Miles said after a long silence, “Is an idiot. She’s insecure and doesn’t know how to handle it. I doubt Shay really focuses on her feelings too much, let alone those of others. She wants to win too much to bother. Maybe you should find new friends to talk to. That might actually listen.”

“Maybe… but if I abandon them, I’ll be just like- I can’t just leave people.”

To Miles he suddenly remembered someone else, someone who had a similar thought. Though never phrased with a specific villain to the story. “Be like who?”

Lola didn’t answer right away, she eyed her hands for a long time before looking up, “My mother. She-”

“Ditched your dad for some reason you don’t understand? And you think it’s your fault?” Miles moved from the chair to sitting next to Lola.

She nodded, not really finding any words to speak.

“That’s me with my dad’s abuse, I’ve spent years being sure I deserved it. I did something that’s why he couldn’t just,” Miles paused, two words. Two dangerous words he had to say, “Love me.”

Lola leaned against Miles’s side. “I don’t think you did anything wrong, you’re really cute and care about people.”

Miles held her, it was a nice sentiment. “Anyone this invested in everyone else can’t be a bad guy, your mother’s an idiot.”

They just… stayed like that.

***

Rasha needed to go find Goldi, sadly she didn’t drive. She couldn’t find anyone she knew enough to drive her. Maya’s still not cleared for it, and because of that she didn’t have her car at the party. So the handful that did drive, didn’t have vehicles. Maybe if she could find Miles, he isn’t a friend but he was the host he might have some idea of an answer.

Instead she heard… crying.

She peeked in on the door to find Frankie Hollingsworth, the room was probably her’s, curled up in her bed and crying, “Frankie? What’s wrong?”

“Go away.”

“I- will if you are sure, but you do not seem okay.”

“It’s nothing, I’m just completely unlovable.”

“I,” Rasha awkwardly patted Frankie’s shoulder, “Do not know how you got here. But that is not my impression of you.”

“I’ve been dating Jonah for a year and he doesn’t even want to do anything with me.”

Rasha was pretty sure that wasn’t true, but pointing that out felt unhelpful, “Then that is his problem. You seem very fun, and kind.”

“But not pretty, maybe I’m just too cute or innocent. The idea of me taking off my clothes and he runs off.”

“Ohh, this is about sex.” That made a bit more sense, “Perhaps he just wants a friend, but is okay with kissing?”

“I don’t know, he won’t tell me why when I want to do things he just runs away.”

“Why do you want to do things?” As much as she was trying to help, she was curious what the hetero mind desired in sex. It was never really Rasha’s priority. She wanted a partner in crime, someone to scheme with, and make out with. And girls are very pretty, and fun to hold. But sex had never been as much a focus as it was in American movies.

“It just feels right? If you’re alone, in a bikini, making out. To just… do it without tops on.” The questions and the talking had gotten Frankie to stop crying. At least. That was a tiny victory Rasha could accept.

“That is how it usually goes. Maybe you are just with the wrong person.”

“Maybe, all his stupid nonsense just kinda ties me up inside.”

“That does not sound pleasant, why would you want more of that?” Maybe Rasha just wasn’t getting Frankie’s meaning, she spoke with some very odd phrases. Rasha’s hand moved to playing in Frankie’s hair, hoping the attention calmed her down further.

“I… don’t even know. He’s pushing me to be better, but when I want to be with him he just… leaves me.”

“Maybe try someone who is nice to you? And see where that goes?”

Frankie looked up at Rasha, and then kissed her. Frankie wasn’t sure she meant to do that. She did it, so she had to mean it, right? Or maybe it was just because Rasha was being ten times nicer than Jonah ever was, and a little nicer than Winston. Maybe it was just because she was there, and was lonely. Still, after a few moments, Frankie pulled back, “Oh my god, I don’t know why I did that.”

“I do not either, you probably should not just kiss random people.”

Frankie looked down, at some point in all of this she started holding Rasha’s hand. No… Rasha was holding her’s. “You’re not running away.”

“Because I did not mind. You are very emotional, and cute even if you’re all splochy from crying.” Rasha smiled, she didn’t think Frankie needed kisses right now. But she didn’t want to just run away. Not when this had gotten interesting. “But if you’d like to talk some more and figure out what is going on, I would like to help. Before any more kissing happens.”

Frankie nodded, her mind taking in the words. She did need someone to talk to about this. She just- didn’t with Shay and Lola, they never liked Jonah. Maybe they were right, but it meant she didn’t open up to them. Slowly all the words, and all the meanings sunk in, “Wait, you’re-”

“I would also like it if my being gay stayed between us, I’m not out yet.”

“Right.” Frankie was a little dumb-struck on that. She kissed Rasha not actually thinking anything. With a little thought she labeled it as ‘wanting to be loved’ in some weird twisted way that became ‘wanted to be kissed.’ So she never considered Rasha was into girls, or would take anything from that. “Just between us. Um, right, did you need something.”

“Oh, yes, I need to find Goldi. She saw me dressed like this and ran off, do you drive?”

“Oh, yeah,” Frankie now looked at Rasha’s bikini and blushed a little. She hadn’t considered how nearly naked they both were. Just more things Frankie hadn’t considered in the moment, “Let me wash up and put on pants.”

“That… sounds like a very good idea, I will also put on more clothes.”

“I’ll meet you by the garage.”

“Okay, also.” Rasha smirked from the doorway, “You are a very good kisser, Jonah is really dumb.”

Frankie smiled a little at that.


	6. Split the Party - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The afterparty of Miles's last pool party of the summer.

All things die, they end. Parties are no exception, however Miles preferred to keep them going for as long as he could. And when his parents were out of town that meant once most of his classmates had gone home, those he was closest to remained. Or at least those he didn’t feel like kicking out. His siblings were hardly any different. Each had a few people still in the house after all was said and done.

He’d finished his rounds, occasionally he was surprised in the morning to find one or two strangers asleep in odd parts of the house. He also had to assess any damage that needed to be cleaned up before tomorrow evening. Lessons learned from many years of this. When he returned to the living room, secure that the damage was easy enough to handle, he was left with a new problem.

How to sit on the couch when one of his guests had taken up the whole thing. Maya Matlin was sprawled out, she’d put on a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a leather vest over her bikini. She was beautiful, even taking the scars into account, he studied her a few moments as he debated what to do. She had her arm clutched to her chest, he’d noticed her issues. Most people noticed Maya, his attention was due to a question that bothered him. “What if.”

Finally he decided he was tired and he wanted to sit down so he unceremoniously pushed Maya’s legs off the sofa to sit down. She frowned, and put her legs back on the sofa over him. Miles honestly didn’t care, Tris might, Zoe might. That’d take some getting used to. He slipped out his phone and scrolled through socials. Everything was about the party of course. Just as the world should be.

“Hey… what time is it?” Maya didn’t seem overly bothered by Miles on the sofa with her. She stretched like a cat, then recoiled as she moved her arm, hissing… also like a cat. Clutching her arm to her chest again.

“About one, and my offer stands.”

“I can’t afford it, we checked her prices.” Maya had moved her legs just to tuck into a ball.

“Arm here, if you don’t mind.” Miles put his phone down and waited.

Maya sat up, careful of how she moved. This was about the most graceful Miles had ever seen Maya without an instrument in hand. She was wonderful, but drunk warthogs had better coordination. Miles gingerly started to massage her arm. The blonde softening and relaxing with the attention. “So… who is where?”

“Yael has a guest room, with that new girl Rasha. Lola is sleeping with my sister, I offered Chewie my parents room and he said he needed a drink, I assume he’s taking this sofa. Tris with me, if he’s talking to me. You and Zoe can have the other guest room, but if you plan on having sex the poolhouse might be better.”

“Poolhouse then, it means if Tris kicks you out you have the other guest room.”

Miles leveled a tired glare at Maya as he finished up with her arm. Zoe couldn’t give a massage to save her life, and Miles had to deal with Frankie’s sports injuries for the past six years. He didn’t argue how he shouldn’t be kicked out of his own bedroom, “How are you doing?”

“Better. Thank you.”

“I didn’t mean your arm.”

“I’m fine.” That was a lie, Miles could see it. He didn’t know all of Maya’s secrets but he was so wrapped up in her he had a good sense of her tells. He didn’t look away, he waited for her to crumble. She didn’t have the same energy to her as when they were sophomores. He knew he could outlast her in any situation, and waited. “I- am. Really.”

“Try a little more convincing, confidence, believe your lie Maya.”

Maya sagged. Miles revelled in his victory, for the brief moment before she explained herself. “I just- what if the crash was my fault?”

This was not what Miles expected, “So you were the driver who cut the bus off, or the bus driver who tried to turn instead of just hitting the car?”

“No, but... “ Maya looked tired, not just ‘woke up from post-party nap’ tired either. Miles waited for her answer, “I was there, and people I care about were there. It- it had to be about me.”

Miles knew Maya had this- thing, where she put a lot more value on herself than she deserved. Usually she had to involve herself, be the hero. Sometimes she put the actions of the universe on herself, the world a giant machine rotating around her. He never quite understood it, “You never told me where this idea came from, Maya. That this is about you.”

She looked nervous. She always looked nervous. Moreso when waiting for someone. That he remembered all too well, Tris never fully explained, at the time Miles asked he just said Maya had ‘baggage.’ After he and Tris got together Maya was a forbidden topic. Maya steeled herself, “I- I’ve only told Zoe. Nobody else knows, okay?”

*** Earlier in the Evening ***

Frankie sighed, “Any word?”

“She made it home, but that is it.” Rasha put down her phone.

Lola glanced over from Frankie’s bed, “I didn’t think she’d get all… weird about it.” There was a definite unease in Lola’s features, a worry in her lip, and in her voice, as she mentioned it. An apology she didn’t quite say.

“It is not your fault, I was trying to fit in with Goldi. But she didn’t know that wasn’t really me.” Rasha patted Lola’s arm, the tension falling out of Lola’s features with the motion.

“Do you maybe want to… sleep over? We have space. I don’t know how many of my brothers’ friends are staying over but we can muscle you a guest room.” Frankie offered.

Lola’s tension vanished, replaced with a confusion, “Why… aren't you just suggesting she sleep with us? Shay went home because she has training in the morning.”

Lola’s confusion deepened as Frankie and Rasha shared a quick awkward look.

“I- do not normally sleep in the same bed with other people. Is that normal here?”

“Only at my place.” Frankie answered. “Lola’s we can do it with two of us, Shay’s only got a double.”

Both girls shared a sudden relaxing breath as Lola’s interested faded and she returned to her phone, “I guess we might need to use a guest room anyway, it’d be super cozy with the four of us in this bed. Even if it’s the size of, like, Newfoundland.”

Frankie rolled her eyes.

“What?” Lola looked at her, “Four of us sharing a bed, someone’s going to make orgy jokes.”

“Is that a thing in Canada?” Rasha asked, smiling.

Frankie and Lola answered at the same time, sadly their answers contradicted.

“It is very cute how you two do that.” Rasha got up, “I have to call the Nahirs.”

As Rasha left the room, Lola’s eyes fell to Frankie, “So, what happened tonight?”

“...What do you mean?” Frankie eyed her friend, who was incredibly clever for someone not clever at all.

“You and Jonah? You ditch me to make out then he comes roaring downstairs and convinces Grace, Tiny, Zig, and Shay to head out?”

“Oh. That.” Frankie sighed, which was twice as dramatic as she fell across the bed in the same motion. “I went to take my top off and he just bolted. Do guys do that?”

Lola panned her vision down Frankie’s body. She’d put on a shirt but Lola always had a knack for undressing anyone with her calculating fashion gaze, “Not with girlfriends that look like you, no.”

Frankie sighed and rolled onto her stomach, pressing into the pillow. And possibly hiding from Lola’s gaze.

“Jonah’s always been sorta… weird, about things. Like if he has too much fun he might die.” Lola’s eyes returned to her phone.

“If I keep my clothes on he stays.”

“But do you want that? Just… never going past kissing?”

“You’re just as much a virgin as I am, Lo.”

Lola didn’t answer.

“You’re not a virgin?”

“No, just, I’ve never done  _ it _ but I’ve done things.” Lola rubbed her thumb against the edge of her phone, “Don’t tell Shay.”

“Just between us,” Frankie sat up, attention fully on Lola.

“Tiny and I were together for months, I wasn’t- ready for that.”

“But you did other stuff?”

“I mean, I wanted to know what it felt like. And it felt really nice to do stuff with someone else.” Lola squirmed a little, “What do you and Jonah do anyway?”

“We talk, watch movies, help out at some youth centers he likes…” Frankie shrugged, “We do stuff.”

“But-” Lola looked Frankie in the eye, never a good sign, “Um, what you told me about how you met. He’s sorta- it’s weird?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, he wanted help doing stuff for the needy. And you have a lot of stuff to offer. He’s got a past, nobody gets tattoos without that, and you’re-” Lola’s voice trailed off.

“Spit it out.”

“Shay and I- think he just likes having a girlfriend who doesn’t have a past.”

“So you’ve talked about this.”

“We can’t exactly talk about Tiny!”

Frankie sighed, “Well, I have no idea what I want…”

Lola scooted closer and pulled Frankie into a hug, “How about happy?”

“Thanks, Lola, way to narrow it down.” Frankie returned the hug, smiling.

Rasha came bouncing back in, “I asked and they said I could- but…”

“But…” Frankie asked, Lola finally detangling from the hug and sitting on her own side.

“I sorta told them I was staying at Lola’s because she has no brothers?”

Lola and Frankie shared a smirk.

“Did I miss a joke?”

“That’s what Shay does, every time.” Lola beamed, “So staying with us or do I have to go negotiate guest rooms with Miles?”

“If you don’t mind negotiating for me?”

Lola smiled, “Sure, but it's more fun if we all share the bed.”

Rasha waited for Lola to wander off, “Wait, why is she negotiating.”

“Lola’s cute and not related to them, they have to be nice to her, also she’s still in her bikini top and boys are stupid.”

Rasha nodded, “Ah.”

Frankie watched Rasha a moment, “Is this cause of, you know?”

“Sorta,” Rasha sat down, “I have had sleepovers before, but never with a girl I knew was interested. Even if Lola is here to chaperone it does not feel right. Not without talking about it first.”

“And Lola will be back any minute so we can’t do that yet,” Frankie figured out the problem, “Well, how about we do it tomorrow, over lunch? Lola’s got a shift so it can be just us.”

“It is a date,” Rasha said it, realized how it sounds, “not a date. Not yet, maybe after we talk. Yes?”

“Okay,” Frankie smirked at that, she could relate. She had a lot more on her mind. Which- would have to be solved before she can date anyone.

“Good news,” Lola swanned back in like it was her room, “Did I interrupt something?”

“No, what’d you get?” Frankie brushed her hair over her ear.

“Oh, well, I got Rasha the nicer guest room. But, she has to share with Yael.”

“That should be fine, thank you Lola.” Rasha considered a moment, “Which one is Yael?”

***

“I thought all of my sister’s dumb friends shared her bed, like some weird lesbian coven.”

“It’s fine, Hunter. I don’t mind.” Yael was collecting some clothes of Hunter’s to sleep in.

“You shouldn’t have to share a room with some rando my sister befriended.”

“Why are you making a big deal about this? We’ll hang out for a while then I’ll go to bed.”

Hunter didn’t answer.

“I’m not sleeping with you, we talked about this.”

“Baaz ditched when his sister blew up and left. Vijay went with them. I thought we could…”

“I’m not ready, okay? We can make out for a bit, and watch something you like, but that’s all I’m up for. Okay?”

Hunter softened a little, “I’m doing that thing again.”

“A little bit, yeah.”

“...sorry. Just, you and some random in another room, even a girl.”

Yael touched his arm, before pushing up on her toes to kiss him. “How about this, I change in here, and then we watch something you like and read comic books?”

Hunter’s eyes went a little wide. “I’d really like that.”

Yael took a breath and took off her glasses, and wig. Then stopped, resting her hand on Hunter’s dresser. She was really doing this. She was really doing this? She stayed there for a second, maybe more, maybe a minute. She’s done this before, well… not this. But undressing around people. Other girls, they were more judgmental than Hunter. They hated her, scrutinized everything wrong with her. Hunter- would he?

“Stop.”

“What, why?”

“Your hand is shaking.”

Yael looked down at her left hand, it was perfectly still. The dresser did that.

Her right hand was shaking. It didn’t have anything to settle it.

“I’m sorry!” Yael grabbed the clothes Hunter picked out for her to sleep in and ran out of the room.

*** Back to the Beginning ***

Miles knew, the entire time he had known Maya, there was an empty space. Some hole in her, an outline of it appeared here or there. Stories she never finished, a name she wouldn’t say. Seeing what was in that empty space made everything make sense. Every way Maya was like him, broken.

That was Miles’s take away from the tale of Maya Matlin and Campbell Saunders.

“Maya…” The more Miles thought the more parts of Maya made sense, her utter concern with him, her helping him after the fire. Why she got herself kidnapped a summer ago. Miles couldn’t think of what else to say, so he just reached over and moved Maya’s arm.

“What are you doing.”

“I put a lot of work into massaging your arm, hurting it when I hug you is just self-defeating.”

“Oh.” She didn’t seem to catch what he was saying, as the hug still surprised her.

“You didn’t bring this on everyone, take it from someone who knows a thing or two about blaming themselves for what happened to them.” He doubted she believed him, he didn’t believe him most days he said it. Telling himself he didn’t deserve his father’s wrath, his father’s contempt. But it helped to say, it made the thought more normal.

“...Thanks.”

Once his mind was done sorting through Maya’s story, a new thought crossed it. “Maya, how many of your past romances are boys Tris liked?”

“Barring the girls…”

“Plural, that’s interesting.” Miles smirked, this finally broke their hug so Maya could glare.

“I don’t know if he ever was into Zig, but they knew each other in middle school. We both talked about how cute Drew was…”

Miles scoffed.

It broke Maya from just searching through her mind to thinking about the question, “You think his issue with bi people is about me?”

Miles did. Maybe not fairly, but Tris didn’t care Yates was a creep. He just cared Maya ruined it. And Miles had to think that if anyone else had made Maya’s call, Tris would have been quicker to forgive. Still, he didn’t really feel like burdening Maya anymore, “I don’t know, I just wish I knew what it was.”

“Wanna go find the others and see what they’re up to?”

Miles stood up and offered Maya his hand. She smiled, taking the help off the sofa, “I’m curious how their overthrow of Goldi is going.”

Maya smirked, “I still can’t believe we’ve resorted to going all Game of Thrones on our classmates.”

“A Lannister always pays their debts.”

A moment passed and both teens made a disgusted face. Miles spoke first, “You went to the fact Hunter and Frankie are twins too, didn’t you?”

“Yes, let’s just- never make that joke again.”

“Agreed.”


	7. Split the Party - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second half of the afterparty.

“So that should cover it? Anyone else have any demands we need to consider?”

“We give Hunter’s nerds his vlog channel, that means Vijay will keep the QSA on board. And… that’s it. That’s everyone on board with my being Student Council President.”

“Why aren’t you guys putting me back in power?”

Winston and Zoe shared a look, both vying for not explaining, and let the other be the messenger. Because the message was not going to be taken well. Zoe took the floor, “Tris, the problem is…” Zoe paused, mid thought to be sure she worded it the nicest way she could. Or at least the way that was least cruel, “nobody likes Goldi, but half the council isn’t sure she’s worse than you..?”

“Excuse me!?”

“Tristan, you dragged your ex during the debate over being bi. You got accused of giving an underclassmen an STI. You didn’t actually win-” Winston stopped there, he could feel Zoe glaring at him over stepping too far.

“And Zoe can just swoop in? She’s done just as much as me, more.”

Zoe glanced to Winston, his turn still.

“She’s not as… dismissive, in person. After I floated the idea pretty much all the people we needed on board had a nice chat with her. I think not being in the closet and whatever she and Maya do has helped.”

Zoe slapped him, back of the head, hard.

“Or that’s none of my business and I should shut up.”

“See, this is why we work,” Zoe smirked.

Tristan scoffed, “I don’t see why you even want to be student council president. You’ve never been much for other people.”

Zoe started with a glare, her eyes locked on Tristan for a moment. He got into this over a break-up, and it took him most of a term to stop using it to hook up with random boys and actually help the students. “When I was on West Drive, I hated it? All the backstabbing and the cattiness. Most of it my fault, because Mom taught me how to handle coworkers. What made it worthwhile was fans. Like you and Tori, I liked how what I did had an impact.”

Tristan got up and headed for the door, “I’m tired, goodnight.”

After he left, Winston waited to make sure he was gone, “How much of that was true?”

Winston was asking what he assumed Tristan thought before he left. That Zoe’s story, like many things about Zoe, were lies the girl told. It made Zoe’s past, her present, all hard to deal with. She was an actor, lying was a skill she cultivated from the age of four.

“Oh, every word. I never was in the right place to admit it. Or, well, think I could do any good for anyone.”

Winston put his hand over Zoe’s, “Even if we totally can’t work because you’re into girls. I still think you’re one of the most amazing people I know.”

Zoe smiled, one of those rare genuine smiles, “Thank you.”

***

Frankie heard voices in the hallway and stuck her head out. Lola had slipped out to make herself a snack. Frankie was hoping Lola was back, but this was the next best option. “Miles, um, can we talk a moment?”

Frankie gave Maya a smile, still not entirely sure what Maya and Miles were now. They were in love, at least as far as Frankie could tell. But now they seemed just like they used to be, but they’re dating other people. And if Frankie trusted Maya just a bit more, she’d ask her too. Maybe she still might later.

Miles shared a look with Maya, “I’ll catch up, make sure the coup is going smoothly.”

Maya shrugged and wandered off, leaving Miles to head into Frankie’s room, “What’s up.”

“How did you know you were bi and not just that every girl you’ve ever been with was a mistake?” After she said it, Frankie realized how it sounded. And wished she said it another way. It was what she wanted to ask, but maybe she shouldn’t antagonize her brother while looking for his help.

Miles leaned against the door and watched a moment, trying to see past what was asked to the real question. But it was late, and he was tired, so he just answered what was in front of him, “Well, for starters, my mistakes weren’t who I was with but how I screwed up and let them down.”

“Right, every time you cheated, or thought about cheating, was it wrong? Or was the relationship you were in wrong and cheating was right?”

Miles waited, letting Frankie squirm as he deliberated on an answer, hoping she’d give away something. Frankie’s insecurity and doubt was constant since she turned fourteen. Going from ‘perfect daughter’ to ‘her own person.’ Miles figured it was best to stay out of the way, as understanding teenage girls was beyond him. And he’d only screw things up.

“If you’re asking if you should cheat on Jonah, you should dump him. Because if it was right you wouldn’t be thinking about this.” Miles sat down next to Frankie, if she wanted a hug she could take it after. “Just because you’re not in love with him doesn’t mean you should hurt him.”

Frankie sagged a little being called out, but she hugged Miles anyway. It was what she needed to hear. Even if she wasn’t ready to face that yet. She had a few days to get there. “Thank you.”

“I’m sure when you’re ready to explain what that first question was about, I’ll listen. Just- at a more reasonable hour? I’m a little drunk and too tired for this sort of thing right now.”

“Yeah, sorry, I could have been more diplomatic.”

“You were way more diplomatic than I would have been, or Hunter.”

Frankie laughed, wasn’t that the truth.

***

Yael followed the sounds of cooking and humming into the kitchen. After what happened with Hunter, and the idea of sharing a room with a stranger, Yael wasn’t quite tired enough yet. Normally this time would be spent raiding on Hunter’s second rig, but she couldn’t bring herself to go back in there yet. Plus, the smell of food was more than a little appealing. “What’s cooking?”

Lola turned around, her face lighter due to a layer of powdered sugar on her face. Which- lead Yael to start laughing.

“French toast, which you can’t have any of if you keep laughing.” Lola was glaring, this did nothing to make the layer of sugar on her face less funny. But after a few moments Yael managed to stop laughing, and Lola explained. “...They keep the sugar on the top shelf in the cabinets, when I finally got it down it sorta fell and opened and splashed my face.”

Yael walked up, wiped some sugar off of Lola with a finger, then licked the sugar off. “You really are the sweetest girl at Degrassi.”

Lola was still frowning, and it was still a very amusing look on her face.

“Why are you making french toast?”

“I wanted some, and I realized I could totally make it here. This kitchen is amazing.” Lola started by finally wiping the sugar off her face, then she finished plating the toast (complete with a dusting of powdered sugar on each slice). Ending by serving Yael and herself at the island in the kitchen. “What are you doing up, shouldn’t you and Hunter be doing gamer things?”

Yael froze, fork sticking into a piece of toast as she felt suddenly inexplicably naked. As if her clothes were just gone, and anything else she could hide behind. Just- she was sure Lola could see all of her all at once and it terrified her. “No.”

“Oh, but- you stayed over, wasn’t that to play video games?”

“It was.”

“So- is something wrong?”

Lola felt weird among girls at the school, in Yael’s estimation of things. Not the hair, Yael couldn’t judge on that. Yael had put her wig back on before heading downstairs. She wasn’t sure why she had to, but she just didn’t feel right without it. No it wasn’t Lola’s hair, or her silly candy color make-up, or anything most people saw. Lola was judgmental, she calculated and dissected everything about a person’s look, if it worked, if it didn’t. Finding every glowing weak spot in a person’s appearance.

But- then there were moments like this, where Lola’s eyes were just so concerned. Where Yael felt like she was fully seen, and she only ever felt that way from Hunter. Yael was trying to figure out how to answer the question, she felt Lola might actually have an answer. But she also didn’t want the entire school to know. It was embarrassing enough Hunter told her to stop because she started to freak out.

So Yael decided to change the topic, to a degree, “How is it you always look cute? You put all that work into your make-up, but even after covering yourself in sugar you still look cute?”

Lola bit into her french toast, considered, “That’s my secret, I’m always cute. The make-up is just to express myself.”

“So you’d be confident in your looks even if you were, like, naked?” Yael regretted asking it, so directly anyway. She wanted to work around the question. Work up to it.

“Um, duh, my skin is amazing and I have a fantastic butt. I love everything about how I look.”

Those words meant something to Yael, ‘I love everything about how I look.’ Yael didn’t feel that way, that had to be what was wrong, “And- what would you tell someone that doesn’t love how they look?”

Lola stopped eating, watching Yael for a moment, “That they should figure out what they want, and make it happen. They should also ask someone who knows a ton about looking great to help them. So…”

“So?” Yael was dreading where this could go.

“You’re clearly hinting at someone, who is it that needs help? Is it Baaz, it can’t be Vijay he has great hats!”

Yael had to wonder how someone could be that clever and that stupid in the same breath.

***

“How goes the political scheming,” Maya said from the doorway, “...you told Tris why Zoe’s the center of this scheme and not him.”

“It came up,” Winston said, quickly pulling his hand away from the table. Like he’d been caught doing something. “Where’s Miles?”

“Frankie needed some big brother advice or something, it seemed like family time was going on.” Maya crossed the room and took her seat on the desk in the study. She considered a moment sitting in the one occupied chair she could sit in. But Winston did date Zoe and that felt a bit like rubbing it in. “So- is it really okay? What we’re doing?”

“Goldi doesn’t seem to listen to anyone, any attempts we’ve made to fix some of the budgetary shortfalls, raise money, she dismisses for one reason or another. We’ve tried doing this any other way.” Winston sipped his drink, which Maya figured was just club soda. “Instead she just keeps reallocating funds away from existing clubs that ‘aren’t worthwhile.’”

“I’ve sat in on a few of the Student Council meetings, she really isn’t sure how to compromise.”

“Feminist club didn’t really need compromises, we fougth for what we felt was right, and there usually wasn’t a middle ground. We couldn’t convert only half of the bathroom. We couldn’t half shut down the gamer club.” Maya still felt they were right on both of those, even if she had to pay for the latter a lot more than anyone else did.

“Yeah, but Feminist Club was voluntary,” Zoe placed her hand on Maya’s knee, “the rest of the school didn’t choose Goldi. Mostly because Miles has a pool, but even if they didn’t have the right reasoning, they were right.”

“I still feel kinda bad,” Maya did like Goldi. Not- take over a club right now like, but she didn’t feel fully okay with this.

“Tell that to the football team, they don’t have new equipment this year so they’ll miss at least three games,” Zoe could get how that might bother them.

“She told the drama club to ‘make due’ with what they had,” Winston looked tired, “It got worse when they pitched a play using what we have and it was ‘too triggering’ to do a western themed Romeo and Juliet. As that’s literally what we have in the prop room.”

“I can’t imagine the current drama department making that work,” Miles said from the doorway. Taking a bite of his french toast as he studied the group. “Where’s Tris?”

“Where’d you get french toast?” To Zoe, that was the more immediate concern.

“Lola made a bunch, there’s some more slices down in the kitchen.”

There was a brief moment where Zoe, Winston, and Maya exchanged looks. Right before all three made a dash for the door. Miles had enough time to get out of the way as they barreled down the hall toward food. Miles chuckled, “I guess this is as good a time to head for bed as any, maybe talk to Tris if he’s still awake.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... been a while. I got a bit stuck on how to finish this chapter, and since this chapter is part of the previous... it felt wrong to share one without the other. But I managed to have inspiration and worked through it.
> 
> Note one: Yael will be referred to with she/her until the story gets to their inevitable realization that isn't who they are. But I kinda have to get there, this is just helping to get them to that point.
> 
> Note two: I'll try not to wait ten thousand years between updates. I can't promise anything my life is a bit of a wreck, but... I'll try.
> 
> Note three: French toast is the funniest breakfast food. Especially in the middle of the night.


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